She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
soo... how was my night?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
