I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
