Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
In America we eat man semen.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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