Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
