Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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