Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
