Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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