found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The feeling are messing with the penis
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
