that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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