At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
