I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
