where am i from again
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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