If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
