I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
