Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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