Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
