ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
