I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I smell stomach acid.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
