I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
