This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
