Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
