If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
