i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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