he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
