i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
