Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
