I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
