In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
