dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
no, he came in my armpit
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
