I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sponge bath it is.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
