You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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