Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
