the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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