what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
