you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
