Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
