Your mouth is God's brothel.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
smell my finger.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
