Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
