I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
