im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
