You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My bed smells like the plague
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
