I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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