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I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I look better un-naked...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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