sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
