Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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