I have demons in me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Randomize
