my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
