Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
