I'm eating all of the evidence.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
