I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
