Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
