just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
