I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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