this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
